Right now I am feeling anxious. I’ve been battling anxiety for a long time now. I don’t think it’s going anywhere.
What I mean to say is: I can’t imagine myself in any life, any possible life I could lead, where I wouldn’t feel some undercurrent of this anxiety.
As hard as it fights me to be given a reason, an excuse - money or car crashes or relationships or mortality or productivity or falling behind or my weight or the dark or being alone or my health - it doesn’t have one. It’s just something my brain does. It’s part of my wiring, my chemistry. There is no why, there is just how do I learn to ride these waves, how do I learn to exist with this more gracefully, how to stop it from controlling me.
Which is part of the problem - the urge to change things, the wish things were different than they are/the wish I was different than I am - but still, it would help to get better at this thing.
There is so much pressure to be improving, to keep all of the plates spinning, to continually add more plates, to be constantly more productive, more efficient, to create or get rid of this habit or that habit, to be constantly making progress, to consume, to upgrade… it’s exhausting.
I’m afraid if I stop moving for a bit everything will come to an ugly halt.
I’m afraid all the plates will come crashing down & my life will be left in ruin.
I’m afraid something will be permanently damaged.
Fellow anxious people, what helps? How do you ride out the waves? What excuses does your anxiety want to take? How have you learned to challenge it - to live more gracefully despite it?