This weekend was a bit rough emotionally. On Friday night we were driving home from dinner on Atlanta Highway & we saw a dog that had been hit by a car limping frantically on the side of the road. We pulled over & drove to an emergency vet but the dog passed away in the backseat of Edward’s car en route to the veterinarian. I don’t know if I’ve seen an animal die before, my memory is too lost to remember various childhood pets deaths & if I witnessed the moment the soul left the body or not. I felt strangely numb afterwards. I experienced some thoughts about how I probably deserved to die more than that poor dog, whose name tag said he was called Tuscan, did. I didn’t cry much - which made me feel uncomfortable about myself, wondering if I was heartless. I held Lena very close to my body under a blanket for a long time when we got home that evening.
A lot of the weekend was spent discussing some problems with Edward. Not a lot of progress was made, but it could have gone much worse than it did. Still, it feels shitty to spend so much time discussing an issue & reach no sense of resolution about it. We’ll get there though.
I finished a scarf I’d been knitting for Edward & he wore it when we went to the Montgomery Zoo on Sunday morning. I love the zoo, it’s so much fun. We had a great time. All couples have problem areas & we are still crazy about each other & going strong, just trying to figure out some of the acrobatics of being married still, even though our 2 year anniversary is coming up in December. I don’t think a person ever finishes learning & growing in a marriage though, learning new things about themselves & their partner & love & how to share a life with another person - new acrobatics.
Now it’s Tuesday morning and I am a zombie from getting too much sleep. Monday was a good day & I am optimistic that today will be too. I got a lot of creative work done with photographs (selects, edits, backing up & sharing) & my new camera bag arrived in the post! I shared a photo of my camera gear with my new bag on Instagram. I got a lot of life stuff done too - finalized my gear’s insurance policy, paid bills, made appointments. Adult-ing still feels strange to me somedays, but yesterday wasn’t one of those days. I’m still doing this 365 project - I’m on day 140-something (need to check that) and I am proud that I’m still going even if I occasionally miss a day or need to play catch-up - c’est la vie.