My anxiety is an intruder. It is a shape shifter. It gives me enough time to get used to one breed of panic attack before switching to a new one.
doing my daily housework tasks & am undertaking some redecorating even though I am, rather arguably, quite depressed and miserable lately. (After & before photographs) Here are a few of the reasons that come to my mind: It’s something I have control over. Something is dirty, I clean it & I can visually see that I’ve made a difference – that my actions, which so often feel in vain, have… Keep Reading
Pettiness says, “I’m jealous.” Jealousy says “I’ve been made to feel other, unwanted, unwelcomed.” Otherness says, “They wouldn’t have done this for you. They didn’t want you. They only tolerate you.” Self-loathing says, “You really must be tolerated. You’re difficult to like.” Broken trust says, “He broke the agreement.” Love says, “He’s conflicted. Don’t make him choose.” Fear says, “It’ll be just the same as it was.” Fear says, “You’ll… Keep Reading
When I was a child, I learned to think of my parents as good or bad. I learned that sometimes they were a source of nurture, comfort & love & other times I needed to separate myself from them for my own safety & well-being. I learned to split people in this way. I developed these borderline ways of thinking as a way to adapt to my little environment. I… Keep Reading
To keep my body strong / possibly snake oil To make up for not getting enough sun / help the others / possibly snake oil To keep the panic at bay / It does the best it can. To keep the depression at bay / It does the best it can. To keep the panic at bay / It does the best it can. To keep me from getting too… Keep Reading
I am beginning to remember the purpose I claimed as my own long ago. Yesterday: a reminder of how alive I feel when I am creating things & what that entails – aiming for eyes wide open, being witnessed, an outstretched hand. Mary Oliver tells me what I need to do: “Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.”
I’m getting back into writing poetry. This is my first in far more than a year I believe. Maybe that’s why it’s so much longer than mine have been in the past. I’ve remembered the power it once had to help me understand & cope & make sense of things & how I feel about them. I wrote this poem this morning – the emotions were strong this morning –… Keep Reading
The day before my actual birthday was wonderful – decorations were put up, some old & new friends came over, Edward cooked us delicious food, we had afternoon tea, we managed to find a field of yellow flowers I’d seen a few days before near Wetumpka, AL but couldn’t quite remember where & did a little photoshoot with fancy clothes there. The atmosphere was festive. My actual birthday was not… Keep Reading