I heard the phrase "a void that thinks" in a completely unrelated context

July 8, 2017Journal, The Healing WorkKait MauroComment

on the radio yesterday and think it is one of the best metaphors for depression I have ever heard.

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155/365: Back to my workweek routines of house tending to, trying to create stuff & all the usual life junk adults have to deal with that was not a part of my imaginary idea of being an adult when I was a kid. Was anyone else’s imagination more realistic than mine? lol Anyway, plants finally got watered. Lost a fern. Oops. 🌿
#365 #365photochallenge #365photoproject #365project #photography #photographer #selfportrait #selfportraits #selfportraiture #hennahair @houseplantclub @chickswithplants #art #artist #artistsoninstagram #artistsofinstagram #artistoninstagram #artistofinstagram #houseplants #houseplantsofinstagram #ihavetoomanyplants #thisisntevenallofthem #calicocat

154/365: Somedays you’re kinda burnt out & have an icky feeling from being creeped on by a super aggressive & probably alt-right masseuse who asked you if you were “one of those raging feminists” yesterday, amongst many other unsolicited but voiced anyway assumptions about you & @massageenvy still wants to charge you for that wonderful experience because you couldn’t think of a non-super-awkward way to leave the train wreck of a session. No thank you. But a new song gets released by an artist you’re into so you just move your body a bit to try to get some of the icky feeling out of it. Also: Beatrice, the cat, decides to make another cameo.
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#iwantarefund #creepymen #thatdidntgoasplanned #anxiety #firstworldproblems #365 #365photoproject #365photochallenge #365photos #selfportrait @hozier #movementhozier #photography #selfportrait #selfportraiture #dancingportrait #calicocat #dancerportrait #moveyourbody #art #artist #photographer

153/365: A handwritten words gets photographed which gets shared in a post with some other typed words - the photographed handwritten word gets cropped & put above the typed words on the computer’s document program. It gets printed on photo paper & hung in the artist’s studio so she can remember the little bits of progress she is making at untangling the knot of her life. That too is photographed & shared. Life becomes art becomes life becomes art.
#bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #borderline #mentalillness #emotionalhealing #throatchakra #art #artist #artistofinstagram #artistsofinstagram #artistoninstagram #artistsoninstagram #365photochallenge #365 #365photoproject #365project #artiststudio #bipolar

152/365: Today I am untangling things & working on becoming more whole but I’m not alone on this journey & Beatrice reminded me of this by jumping on my lap while I was taking today’s #365project photo. I have all the support I need to get where I want to be. Where that is exactly? It’s becoming more clear to me lately.
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#365 #365photoproject #365photochallenge #calicocat #calicocatsofinstagram #calicocats #adoptdontshop #photography #photographer #artist #art #selfportrait #selfportraits #selfportraitphotography #selfportraiture #emotionalhealing #mentalhealth #bpd #bipolar #artistoninstagram #artistsoninstagram #artistofinstagram #artistsofinstagram

When I was a child, I learned to think of my parents as good or bad. I learned that sometimes they were a source of nurture, comfort & love & other times I needed to separate myself from them for my own safety & well-being. I learned to split people in this way. I developed these borderline ways of thinking as a way to adapt to my little environment. I did not get to choose my environment. I had a strange childhood due to a number of factors including my parents’ marital issues, my mother’s cancer & my own physical health problems - all at a very young age. I remember once sleeping in the basement while my parents screamed at each other upstairs. I remember asking my older sister if they were going to get divorced. I thought she would know since our mother & her father were already divorced. I was afraid of them getting divorced. But at the age of 27, I realized how & why I had developed this type of black & white thinking - why almost everyone was generally all good or all bad in my mind & how a single person could move between these categories. When I felt safe, they were good. When I felt endangered, they were bad. I recognized that this way of thinking no longer served me, that it actually got in the way of my humanity & the way in which I wanted to live.

I made a promise to myself to try to be conscious of it - to remember that people are one person, not several, & complex - like me, some good & some bad all mixed in together. This fact scared me. I made a promise to myself to try to change this way of thinking. The promise felt heavy in my chest, made it difficult to breath. It was scary to set out to change something that felt so engrained into my own wiring, in my ability to survive & cope in the world. It was a coping skill, that much I had to admit to myself, but one from long ago that no longer helped me as I was no longer a child in the dysfunctional environment in which I’d grown up. (continued in comments)

#bpd #mentalhealth #mentalillness #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #borderline #bipolar #anxietydisorder #panicdisorder #hashtagyourbaggage #healing

151/365: It may feel as though life is collapsing in on me from all sides tonight but tomorrow I will still make flower crowns because what else is a blocked artist supposed to do with her time?
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#365project #365 #365photochallenge #365photoproject #art #artist #fakeflowers #artistsoninstagram #artistoninstagram #artistofinstagram #artistsofinstagram #photography #photographer #florals #flowers #flowercrowns #chasinglight

150/365: I can finally (at least attempt to) photograph my fish friends thanks to my new 35mm lens. Here come all the fish pictures. Jk - but maybe?
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#365 #365photochallenge #365photoproject #365project #art #artist #artistoninstagram #artistsoninstagram #artistofinstagram #artistsofinstagram #photographer #photographer #aquarium #glofish #tetra #aquaticplants #cobraguppies

149/365: Airplants, like me, don’t exactly require roots - which are difficult for me to put down in our life right now. We moved from Saint Louis to Birmingham for two years & have been in Montgomery since May. We didn’t know if we’d be here for years 3 & 4 of Edward’s med school training or what exactly the plan was. Now we will mostly likely be moving back to Birmingham for another year next summer. Then who knows where for residency after that. I’m creating my own little life that can mostly move with me through telephone calls with friends, online creative communities, digital books, an online portfolio, this Instagram account where I get to share my art/life with all of you & keeping our possessions to a reasonable number. I’m fascinated by these plants. I want to learn to be more like them. Here they are getting their weekly watering.
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#365 #365photochallenge #365photoproject #365project #art #artist #artistoninstagram #artistsoninstagram #artistofinstagram #artistsofinstagram #photographer #photographer #indoorgardener #plantsofinstagram #airplantsofinstagram #airplants #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #anxietydisorder #panicdisorder #bipolar #medschoolwife #life

148/365: Live prop saving for some workspace prettiness for a while. The rest of the stem was dead so I saved this part for taking photos with before cutting off the stem. God do I need to get around to watering my orchid collection one of these days. Maybe today.
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#365 #365photochallenge #365project #365photoproject #art #artist #photographer #photography #stilllifephotography #stilllife #photographyprops #artistsofinstagram #artistoninstagram #witchesofinstagram #artistsoninstagram #artistofinstagram #artiststudio #whereiwork #orchid #orchids #orchidsofinstagram #chasinglight

[outtake]
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#365 #365project #365photochallenge #365photoproject #selfportrait #selfportraits #selfportraiture #hennahair #art #artist #artistsoninstagram #artistoninstagram #artistsofinstagram #artistofinstagram #photography #photographer

147/365
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#365 #365project #365photochallenge #365photoproject #selfportrait #selfportraits #selfportraiture #hennahair #art #artist #artistsoninstagram #artistoninstagram #artistsofinstagram #artistofinstagram #photography #photographer #franlove @francescas

145/365: Trying to find some of that #hygge - it helps that it’s raining all week.
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#showusyourhygge #365 #365photoproject #365photochallenge #365project #artist #art #artistoninstagram #artistsoninstagram #artistofinstagram #artistsofinstagram #home #photographer #photographer #stilllife #stilllifephotography #planthoarder

144/365: #hipsteraf houseplant instant film project continues. I was feeling really anxious this morning so while I waited for my klonopin to kick in I talked with @cassandra_mauro on the phone & took these. 🎞
#365 #365project #365photochallenge #365photoproject #art #artist #photography #photographer #houseplants #houseplantclub #instaxmini90neoclassic #instax #instantfilm #artistprocess #artistoninstagram #artistsoninstagram #artistofinstagram #artistsofinstagram #polaroid

Ever evolving collection of photography gear. iPhone photo so Francis (my real camera) could be in the shot. V excited for some upcoming adventures to take this new camera bag on in December.
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#artist #art #artistsoninstagram #artistoninstagram #artistsofinstagram #artistofinstagram #photography #photographer #photographers #camerabag #cameragear @vinta.co #themoderntraveler

143/365: Messing around with my camera while out & about with it. Wreath on my head. Why not?
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#365 #365photochallenge #365photoproject #365project #art #artist #artistoninstagram #artistsoninstagram #artistofinstagram #artistsofinstagram #photography #photographer #hennahair #selfportrait #selfportraits #selfportraiture #wreathonmyhead #chasinglight

142/365: Montgomery Zoo. Leopards & flamingos forever.
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#animals #zooanimals #photography #photographer #365 #365photochallenge #365photoproject #365project #art #artist #artistoninstagram #artistsoninstagram #artistofinstagram #artistsofinstagram #leopard #chasinglight

141/365: At the zoo in the south... in a winter coat? I really didn’t think it’d get cold in Montgomery because it was so damned hot when we moved here in the summer lol fool me once.
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#365 #365photochallenge #365photoproject #365project #art #artist #artistoninstagram #artistsoninstagram #artistofinstagram #artistsofinstagram #photography #photographer #selfportrait #selfportraiture #selfportraits #peacoat #hennahair #franlove

140/365: Edward with his finished scarf, being a ham. ♥️
#365 #365photochallenge #365photoproject #365project #art #artist #artistoninstagram #artistsoninstagram #artistofinstagram #artistsofinstagram #knitting #knittingbeginner #newbieknitter #photographer #photography #chasinglight